The Anesthesia Record

Today was our last class of the semester (insert embarrassingly awkward display of joy - i.e. "raising the roof" - here) and it was spent discussing different types of cell receptors and their interactions with intrinsic and extrinsic molecules.  Before leaving for the day, we were asked to break into three groups, each assigned to invent a cell receptor and it's associated components (agonists, antagonists, enzymes, etc) that might cause a specific symptom.  My group's symptom was "uncontrollable tearing and sweating".  Here's what we came up with:

In 2007 a rare disorder was discovered (only one confirmed case exists as of press time) which was later termed "Hasselhoff Syndrome".  When a healthy individual eats a cheeseburger, the cheeseburger molecules attach to a small cell receptor known as "The Hoff", leading the person to feel satiated and happy.  However, in persons afflicted with the Hasselhoff gene, the effects of cheeseburgers on The Hoff are potentiated by the presence of alcohol.  The synergistic effects of ETOH and cheeseburger molecules lead to a number of signs and symptoms that characterize the disorder.  These include mumbling incoherently, lying prone on tile flooring, and refusing to wear a shirt.  An example of this can be seen below.

The liquor-cheeseburger complex remains attached to The Hoff receptor until it is removed by the LAPD enzyme.  This naturally occurring enzyme locates the offending molecule via chemotaxis. 

While the LAPD enzyme serves to eliminate the signs and symptoms seen in the above video, the breakdown of the liquor-cheeseburger complex releases byproducts that cause sudden and uncontrollable tearing and sweating in the affected person.  While there is no cure at this time, jogging shirtless on the beach in slow motion and producing low budget music videos do appear to delay the onset of symptoms.

And there you have it, proof that Us Weekly and YouTube are educational.